breathe

brEaThe
BreAtHE
bREatHe
breAThE
bReaThE
BrEaTHe




I feel like I'm in one of those pregnancy classes that teach you how to breathe regularly. Or else my mind just races me everywhere and worries before I can even catch myself.

It's so sad. 2 classes a semester is not even that much...
but I think it's the sum of everything.... that makes me alittle overwhelmed.
I was overwhelmed in college during midterms and I didn't have work or house to worry about.

Last night I tried to complain to my mom, but I don't think she let me.
the conversation went alittle like this:
me: "Mom, I'm stressed. I have a midterm I haven't started studying, and I'm already doing bad. I also have a project due in less than 24 hours and I haven't started. There's so much stuff to do for the house, and this report, that report for this inspection, that estimate.... BLAH BLAH BLAH"
mom: "If school is so hard, maybe you should just stop. Or don't get a house"

it was something along those lines. THEN I complained some more about how she wasn't encouraging, etc. yes I complain alot.
but I think it has finally hit me alittle bit... IF I am the one who wanted to go back to school, or IF I am the one who wanted a house. I am responsible.

All this time I tried to blame Justin. poor justin. I think because he is closest to me. (therefore direct hit=victim) I need to take the responsibilities for the things I am doing. for the things I choose. It's a choice... and I did it.

so just like Justin said, I need to look around.... and be thankful already.

Tests

A few hours ago, Vicky was stressed about her upcoming test which she had no time to study for. I sat there befuddled. On one hand, I worried that Vicky was stressing far more than necessary. On the other, I wanted to comfort her. Then again, everyone always worries about tests. All my student's mom's do after all. And they sound like an "everyone." But what can I do for Vicky? Perhaps nothing more than a lesson on the nature of tests.

When I see a test I often become on par with Batman. I become the Joker and I quip, "Why so serious?" After all, the point of a test is to assess how far we've progressed in a subject. If we have not gotten very far it will reflect on the test as a low score... and nothing more.

Golly gee. Darn it. Oh no. The sky is falling.

If you haven't guessed, I am neither depressed nor stressed about a bad test. Why? Because life has a whole lot more of these tests ready for me where the consequence is exponentially more dire. And if I am panicking now... I would burst an artery later when the big stuff comes. So what now? Do I just go and skip to my lou and ring around a posie?

No. I simply pick myself up, dust myself off and toil on. And that is precisely what everyone should do. A low score signifies the need to get nitty-gritty with the class material and this can only be done by immersing one's self by that 99% perspiration that Edison loved to talk about. Sorry, no shortcuts. Either you chug away or bounce. Both are acceptable choices. If at some point you are unhappy with that you need only look to the left or right and see all the darn things you'd been blessed with. It is NOT as bad as you think it is. Drop your defensive barriers and listen to me. Take a look around.
... and around.
... and around.

Yep. Life is not over. The night sky is still beautiful and the people run still more on their hamster wheels. Another day goes by. Your God has not changed and neither, really, has your life. Thank God.
Take a deep breath and breathe out slowly. Ahhhh... life is good after all.

close your eyes

This morning Justin woke me up around 6:20 and told me to hurry up for something and that he was going to drive me to work.
I felt something was fishy so I started getting suspicious. ESPECIALLY when he told me to go to the bathroom to get something but when I'm IN there he said NEVERMIND and that he'll be downstairs waiting in the car and he just left.
As I went downstairs, there was a car waiting... but it was a camry.. so I started guessing.. DID HE GET A NEW CAR??? lol. Then I saw a car coming towards me and one of the headlights was alittle messed up and pointing upwards, so I knew it was him.
He started driving and stopped at McDonalds. I asked him if we were going there. But no, we were just going to the drive thru to pick something up.
Then when we got closer to work, he asked me to close my eyes and count to 700 if I want to open my eyes early. I started counting in chinese... it seemed a way longer distance than from where we were to work.
Finally when I got to open my eyes, he told me to hurry up and get the food as he went to the trunk. He got out a sleeping bag, and he told me to start running with him up the hill. We ended up at "the cliff" where some of our friends like to hang out because there you can see the whole San Fernando Valley, and some of Los Angeles.
We sat down on the sleeping bag, he prayed and we ate breakfast as we waited for the sun to rise. It was beautiful.. with a LA weather of probably mid 70's at 7am...? lol. Then we prayed for our relationship and those close to us.
Then I realized that THIS is what defines our relationship. You gotta love that.

Why Guys Like Girls...
Old list. Just saw someone repost it... and re-reposted it.

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she’s the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says “lets not fight anymore” even though you know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say “I love you’
18. Actually … just the way they kiss you…
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt . (even though we don’t admit it)!
23. The way they say “I miss you”
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn’t hurt her anymore…..

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them … it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

this wknd

This wknd will be busy... or should I say for the next couple of weeks? or months? or even year...
let's see..

Saturday:
- going to visit Caroline with Tom and Justin, and probably Calvin
- pm: pick up mom from airport

Sunday:
- church
- going to see some houses

Monday:
- termite inspection
- mom tour the house for the first time

Tues:
- House inspection

11/15: tenants move out
1/12: lease ends, need to be moved out before this

and more in the months after that
- renovation
- TW: banquet
- wedding
- Europe



I envision many sleepless nights coming lol

wow, I can't believe how many things I'm involved in for work nowadays.
I'm on a team within our dept that creates more trust and team building, and we're going to MAKE WINE at a winery!!!!
How fun is that?!?!

we're taking a bus and we have lunches and h'orderves.. get there, get to taste different blends, and each team decides on a blend..
3 months later come back, bottle them and make labels!! I'm so excited

the road to becoming a satisfied woman

lately there is much need to remind myself to be more content with myself, Justin, family and friends, and life.

asides from listing out why I should be content, I am going to try to become more encouraging.
I think in order to become more encouraging from the inside out (none of that fake encouraging crap), there's this process your head must go through.

First, I think I need to stop criticizing and COMPARING with others. If you compare with other people, you'll ALWAYS be disappointed and frustrated.
Second, I need to start looking for the good things that are happening around me. If I can spend more time in finding the improvements instead of the negatives, I will start noticing that there are many things to praise for.
Third, after I can stop comparing with others, start comparing with myself. Or if this pertains to Justin, start compare with his OLD self, or history. That way, I would start seeing how HE has improved instead of how he stacks up with other men.

Laundry list:
- He has been cooking more for us, and yummy meals too! He researches for recepes, and he also does the dishes while cooking--> not too much for me to wash, and sometimes he even washes the dishes after meal too.
- He has been losing a lot of weight, and is doing a good job in keeping the weight down. He started eating less and try to stay eating healthy.
- He would choose to not eat out soemtimes to eat at home.
- He has been buying most of our groceries and keep in check of how much we have spent on buying groceries this month.
- He would look at the discounts and the sales at stores for ingredients we need, and compare between different stores.
- He has been responsible with his tutoring, and makes effort to be available to students and to not be late.

the list can go on,
and now I need to focus on these things more :)

CUTE

it's so cute my heart melts...

HAPPY THURSDAY!

good morning los angeles

I got in at 6:30 this morning! It took me 10 min from the garage to drive to the parking lot at work. probably one of the faster times.

I wish I could chat on gtalk at work sometimes. gah. so stupid how pretty much every website is blocked. I guess I'm glad I can still write my gibberish on this and I could still check my personal email....

Anyway, I think my stomach flu kinda went away. But not the regular flu.. I have phlagm and still have sore throat. GR.

Corporate Ladder

I think Corporate Ladders are overrated...
even if they're kinda necessary =/

JIA YOU, VICKY!!!

i'm sick..

Justin made me chicken noodle soup last night... from scratch!
it's soo good... and I get to bring some to work today :D

I have decided that I should make more effort in school, since I get as much out of it as I want to (to some degree). I can't depend too much on asking Justin to study with me and other ppl since he doesn't really need to study to get decent grades. I need to be more independent and realize that I'm doing this for myself, maybe alittle bit for us, but definitely not just for him.
If I always complain nothing will get done.



VICKY DAY DREAMING AND IN SEMI DEEP THOUGHT from here on----------------------

I think God has really been good to me... when I do try, things DO happen.. and I don't think it's always because I tried. There are plenty of people who aren't so lucky. I need to be better... and I need to have a plan. Some people think life wouldn't always go your way either you plan it or not.. it's TRUE. but I think that I need to plan to have some expectations.. and I keep myself FLEXIBLE at the same time. so even if the reality doesn't go like my plan, at least I set a bar for myself, and I shouldn't land too far from that goal, right? (at least I hope not, LOL)

Sometimes I just want to be BOLD in life. I want to leave everything I have and go travel. I think I might do that with Justin if I change jobs in a few years. I'm so going to save up like crazy right now and when I do have a decent break, go somewhere. I would love to finally go on a missionary that lasts for more than a week. That does take alot of courage though, I think. But that's what I would aim for... none of that "what if I run out of money? what if I can't find a job? what if, what if..." crap. I am not gonna be tied down.. follow the social norm.. be one of the 8-5 crowd, and 10 years down the line wonder where my life has gone, and what have I achieved.. and be zombie like.. following the same routine and purpose-less.

pleasant surprise

this is what Justin sent me this morning

i love you BOO.

:D

It's that time of the year again

for the Santa Ana winds to blowww.
goodness.
118 fwy is closed since yesterday mid-day.
my school's classes were cancelled (how about today?? :D)
and this morning, SO much traffic for 6:30 on the local roads.

i feel bad for the ppl that had to go around the whole fwy to get home yesterday
and i guess they had to do the same to get to work this morning.

that must suck..

Europe Trip

It might be alittle early but Justin and I have started looking into our Honeymoon in Europe next Sept.
we're doing some research on some of the festivals that are going on when we will be there, etc.
It'll be fun!

work and school

I have to say, working full time and even if it's just going to school part time.... is extremely difficult. Unless you are a genius, in other words, not normal. Homework, project, midterms, office hours...

someone help me.



I need a tutor :(

Advantures this past wknd

I finally started a blog!!! (Liz asked me if I had one.. and I actually have been thinking about it.. since I closed my xanga account and all...)


A few weeks ago I purchased some Gold AMC movie tickets from the company store (8 dollars each!) just in case we want to go watch a movie spontaneously.
So Friday after work, we actually went swimming (kind of cold) and after showering we went to the movie theatre!!
We ended up watching Nick and Norah, and the Ghost Town. They were both really cute movies. but we liked Nick and Norah better :D

Also, Justin and I found this song we like:

Lucky by Jason Mraz

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
....

You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now


This is parts of the song. But I think it's cute because Justin and I were best friends for 3 years before we started going out.

Sat we went hiking with some friends out in the rain. On our way down there was an old guy running UP the trail and he said "you guys are crazy! it's raining" and we responded with "why are you going UP the trail then?! lol" 2 seconds after he passed us he changed his mind and started heading back down.

After we hiked everyone took a shower at Tom and Amanda's place. We had a feast after everyone changed into comfy clothes.

Even though it was raining, it was so worth it! Chex mix, trail mixes, Gilbert, mud built up on bottom of your shoes making you feel like you have high heels on, Hawaiian bread, fruit jello, spaghetti with italian sausage, YUMMMM.

Sunday for pre-engagement counseling we made Guacamole. Tom and Amanda made Tortilla soup and quesadillas. we have 2~3 more sessions left I think........ I wonder when we'll get to start planning for the wedding?!?!?!